literature

Meaningful Moments Ch. 1

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"Meaningful moments throughout Remus Lupin's life. Starting from when he was bitten by Greyback until his death in the Battle of Hogwarts. There will be slash in this story but will be as canon as possible."

A/N: As mentioned above, there will be SLASH! So, if you don't like, don't read.
Word Count: 1,271
oO0Oo
First Bite
oO0Oo
Remus slowly opened his eyes but instantly closed them again when the bright light hurt. His tiny hand covered his eyes as a few of his other senses took in his surroundings.

The sheets of the bed he was lying on were slightly rough to the touch but were comfortably warm. Remus imagined they had a heating charm on them because the rest of the room was a little on the cold side.

Besides being chilly, the room Remus was currently in was almost silent; almost as if it was late at night. He wasn't sure how big the space was, but it had to be rather large for the few quiet voices to echo like that. That's when Remus realized something really odd. If the room was big enough for voices to echo, why could he hear them almost perfectly?

He tried opening his eyes again but the light still hurt, albeit a little less now. On the other hand, before he closed them again, he did see something. The bed was surrounded by white curtains and he could only think of one place that had those.

St. Mungo's.

"Mummy?" the small child called out in a frightened tone. With his eyes squeezed shut he sat up and started to get out of the bed. He could hear people hurrying over to him but he didn't want to be here so he didn't wait. "Mummy!"

"Remus," his mom said as he felt her arms wrap around him and lift him back into the bed. "It's okay, mummy's here."

Remus clung to his mother with all of his strength, glad to have her close by. While the two embraced, Remus heard someone say to darken the room. Even when he was reassured that the lights wouldn't hurt him anymore, the only thing that got Remus to open his eyes was the firm grip on his shoulder and his dad's calming voice.

"It's alright, Remus," his dad said and Remus slowly opened his eyes again. Aside from his parents sitting on the bed with him, there were a few Healers standing around. The majority of them were looking at the family in sympathy but Remus saw a few of them giving him dirty looks.

"Can you give us a moment?" his father asked the Healers and his request was granted except for one person. "We'll tell him."

"Of course," the Healer said and walked off somewhere, but Remus knew hadn't actually gone too far. He could still hear him nearby.

Remus was moved so he was lying back down on the bed but now his mom was sitting beside him. Her arm was wrapped around his shoulders and he leaned into heavily. His dad was holding his hand and that was the first time Remus noticed that his arm was bandaged.

"What happened?" the 5 year old asked as he gently rubbed it. It had to be something really bad if the Healers couldn't heal him. His mom had told him that Healers could fix almost anything when Daddy had fallen out of a tree during the summer and had broken his leg.

His parents exchanged looks and his dad moved closer to him on the bed. "What do you remember?" he asked softly.

"What-" he started to ask but his dad just gave him a look that said not to ask questions. Remus nodded once and closed his eyes as he tried to remember and told the story to his dad.

It was a nice summer evening. The crickets must have thought so, too, because they were being extra noisy that night. But, even though it was nice out, Remus had been sent to bed early without a good reason. All his mummy had told him was that he wasn't in trouble and that she needed to talk with his daddy.

Remus willingly went up because his dad was acting funny and had even yelled at him. Although, he did apologize almost instantly and pulled his son into his strong, comforting arms.

While he couldn't hear what they were saying, Remus could hear his parents arguing about something. Even though he was so young, he knew that something was wrong and that his parents would fix it.

But even with that in mind, he couldn't sleep.

So, his window was open and he was listening to the crickets chirping under the full moon. For as long as he could remember, he loved watching the small animals in his back yard when there was a full moon. It always made it easier to see them and, somehow, made him feel safe.

He'd only been watching the backyard for bit when he noticed that the animals were running away or hiding. Remus pulled himself up a little to see more of his backyard and that's when he saw the bushes moving near the forest and heard a pitiful whine.

Maybe it was a hurt animal. Remus didn't like it when animals were hurt so he snuck down to see if he could help it. He knew he had to be quiet because his mummy hated it when he brought hurt animals into the house and she wouldn't be happy if she caught him sneaking out after his bed time.

So Remus moved slowly and quietly through the house and into the backyard. The bush wasn't moving anymore but the small boy continued forward. It was eerily quiet around him, but Remus knew he needed to find the animal and help it.

Just as he got closer to the bush, he heard a loud growl behind him and then pain in his arm. There was so much pain. He called out for him mummy and then…nothing…


His mother was crying now and holding him close while his father was pacing. That was the only sound for a few minutes until Remus' dad finally told his own story to his family.

Apparently the thing that had bitten Remus wasn't a dog but a werewolf. The reason why they knew that was because the creature had been caught by his dad somehow and was now locked up somewhere.

The reason why the werewolf had been so close to their house was because it wanted to hurt Remus' daddy but it had gotten him instead. Earlier that week, his father had run into someone named Greyback and had insulted him. The affronted man had threatened his father and that's what his parents had been fighting about that night.

"We're going to fix this," his daddy promised, kneeling by the bed and taking his son's hand in his. "Your mum and me, we're going to fix this."

"Mr. Lupin?" The Healer from before had returned but his father didn't look at him. "I need to explain to your son about-"

Suddenly, his dad stood and kissed his son's forehead before telling his family, "I'll be at home." Without looking at anyone, his walked out of the room, presumably to Apparate home.

For the next half hour, the Healer explained everything Remus was going to need to know about being a werewolf. His mother had said that he still needed time to understand what had happened but the Healer countered with he needed to know what his life was going to be like. That had silenced her quickly.

During the entire explanation his mother never left his side and held him close whenever she felt he was getting scared. But, being the child that he was, Remus listened to the Healer intently and tried to keep the fear away. He needed to be brave for his mummy and daddy.
”Meaningful moments throughout Remus Lupin’s life. Starting from when he was bitten by Greyback until his death in the Battle of Hogwarts. There will be slash in this story but it will be canon with the series." In case you didn't read/see it up thar

I'm back and writing again! :w00t: This story has been nestled in the back of my mind for a really long time and I've finally started to write some of it. I've got most of this thing mapped out so it should be updated regularly. I hope

And now I'm off to write more stories! *flees*

:bulletblue: Next Chapter: [link]

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, that probably means it doesn't belong to me. I'm just a poor writer having fun with someone else's characters. :meow:
© 2012 - 2024 fuzzyalligator
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H-A-Cooke's avatar
[Hello! I stumbled upon this chapter and was intrigued! Here's my feedback, edits in Technique section in bold so it's easier to see.]

VISION: 4/5

Remus is my favorite Marauder, because his origin story can have so many outcomes. Beginning right after the attack, your story fascinates me due to his mother being sane. I'm interested to see how, if you have Remus do so, you maintain a 'normal' relationship between Remus and his father.

ORIGINALITY: 5/5

I really feel the difference, in terms of vulnerability, in your version of Remus. Even to show racism so early on. I can really imagine the hospital staff having difficulty approaching him 'normally', although with the severity of the attack he'd be in the children's ICU.

TECHNIQUE: 3/5 [Focuses mostly on edits but I hope that balances with the other three sections where I talk about what I like]

1. "Remus slowly opened his eyes then closed them again when the bright light hurt."

^ In this case using a Conjunction (and) is incorrect. You are chronicling as sequence of events. First: open eyes then close eyes.  Great job using a child-like way of describing the situation. I feel like I'm in young Remus' head.


2. "Mummy," he called out in a frightened tone."

^ IF you hadn't already identified who Remus is, for example if this were the opening line, saying 'the small child' would make sense. As we know the child is Remus it's best to refer to him either with the pronouns 'he/him/his' or by his name.


3.  "It's okay, Mummy's here."

^ 'Mummy' is a title used to describes Mrs. Lupin's role and how Remus relates to her.  You need to capitalize it.

4.  "It's alright, Remus," his dad said."

"Remus opened his eyes."

^ In this case, and all cases, dialogue should be a separate paragraph from the person reacting to it.

5. "The majority of them were looking at the family sympathetically, but...."

^ Without a comma before the Conjunction (but) you have a run on sentence.

6. "Of course," the Healer said walking of somewhere. Remus knew the Healer hadn't actually gone too far."

^ The Healer's leaving and Remus' observation are separate events. Also, yo forgot to say who left, so I suggest adding 'the Healer' in before 'hadn't' to clarify.

7. "Remus was moved so he was lying back down. now his Mum sat right beside him."

^ Break up some of your sentences. You often link together two people's reactions cutting out the intricate flow of body language.

8.  "Her arm was wrapped around shoulders, so he leaned into her."

^ 'So' is used to directly correlate action to reaction. It works better to highlight the body language in the scene.

9. "What happened?" Remus asked. His five-year-old mind was confused."

^First, you want to use a Question Mark, as Remus is asking a question. Also, you can add in information about Remus and still use his name.

10.  "He'd only been watching the backyard fro a bit, when he noticed the animals were running away or hiding."

^ The first sentence is a Dependent Clause, what's called an Introductory Phrase and needs to be connected to the next part of the sentence with a comma. Also, this added a creepy factor to the event, made my skin prickle. Good job.

11. "His mother said Remus still needed to understand he'd been attacked."

^ It's important to specify what information is being exchanged. In only a few paragraphs you overwhealm the reader. Assume you are writing a story your reader's don't know.  Also, create a separate sentence from the following reaction of the Healer.

12. "The Healer countered that Remus would live a different life now and needed to know what that meant."

^ This is a good example of how 'and' is used to link two 'like' concepts. Remus is 'living a differnt life' and 'needs to know that means.' 

IMPACT: 5/5

You did a fantastic job of balancing the adults: the Healers, Mr. Lupin and Mrs. Lupin with Remus. The narrative style works well to put the reader into a child-like mindset. I'm intrigued to see where this story goes, and how you develop Remus into the future.


H-A-Cooke